Where Love Goes To Die:

I didn’t know that the disease in your mind,

Would become gradually worse as we aged.

 

We were supposed to grow old together,

You were my best friend!

 

But I didn’t recognise you anymore,

I didn’t feel safe – I chose life.

 

In my heart I will always be married to you,

And only you, until the day I die.

 

Journal entry:

My children and I weren’t born with silver spoons in our mouths: quite often we were alone together and their fathers were absent for whatever reason. There were no hands-on grandparents to help out, no high-flying career to bail us out of tough financial times. But you know what? You don’t get strong by swimming downstream without a current. The outcome of all of that is that there is an unbreakable bond between us and my children’s ability to endure and apply themselves to hard work and tough circumstances takes my breath away 🙂

girl gif

Friends for life:

There will come a day,

When all of those people who were there for you,

Have gone – fallen by the wayside,

And that’s when you have to make do with you

And just hope like hell that you’re someone who you can tolerate,

Because it’s a long, insufferable life if you don’t like the company of you.

Bathe yourself in self-love, wrap yourself in barbed wire,

Place yourself at the uppermost part of the ivory tower,

And then take your key and unlock your imagination because it will be your companion for life.

girl and lost hatawa kyty3oba

 

Don’t Fence Me In:

She couldn’t be owned,

Freedom was her only desire,

The men came and offered,

Themselves to her,

She dips her toe into the moon,

And then dives in;

The lunacy of her cycle is upon her,

She may want him now,

But she won’t in two weeks.

The roller coaster begins its ascent.

girl and cat

 

 

Domestic Violence:

The cycle of domestic violence is terrifying to live with. You can tell if the person has genuinely changed (and that it’s not just the ‘honeymoon’ or ‘hoover’ phase) because there will be remorse, they will take responsibility for their actions and there will be talk of accountability rather than blaming everything onto the victim.

 

domestic

One year out of marriage, single and loving it:

That’s right, it’s one year already and my life has been radically transformed. My life has always been like this: I seem to only have relatively small periods of quiet and then the winds of change blow through and nothing remains the same. I’ve become used to it now.

 

 So to recap, my marriage ended, I found myself back on the single scene, I was helping with my grandson for large blocks of time every week until he moved interstate, my three older children moved out, I considered 3 or 4 different career possibilities, thought about going back to school, am selling my beloved house of 17 years, took boarders into my house, changed cars, dated a man who was completely different to my usual ‘type,’ gave up my internet addiction, became friends with my ex-husband after months of friction, got my passport ready because it’s just a matter of time now before my daughter and I travel overseas, became aware of the many health concerns for myself and two of my children (more on that later), gave up chocolate … no just kidding, that will never happen 🙂

 

The reason for my joy is twofold: I’ve had a wonderful support system both online and in real life, people who have let me go to them, talk to them, who have visited me to ‘check in’ and kept in constant contact. There have been a few people who have questioned me; “but I thought you had the perfect marriage, it certainly seemed that way, so what’s really going on?” And it’s been difficult to explain to those curious people that a) the problems that I had in my marriage were not the sort of problems you talk about and b) I’m not the type to want to continually bombard other people with my problems, I prefer to try and sort it out myself.

 

The other reason for my joy is that I love to be single! Ok, I said it, the thing that many married people really want to say but can never admit to. I’m one of those people who, when a relationship ends I want to throw a party because that means I’m single again! Woo-hoo, time to celebrate! And it’s not about the sex either – although this year has taught me that sex is everywhere and anyone can get it whenever they like. I’ve had several men pursue me this year but I politely turned them all away except for one who I dated until the differences in our personalities and life goals became so glaringly obvious that we had to part.

 

But, and here’s the kicker, guess what? Life is not an ‘either OR’ situation. Let me explain: I thought for years that I had only two options; I either stayed in my unhappy marriage OR resigned myself to being alone and sad for the rest of my life. Poppycock!! There are soooo many options these days one of which is to remain ‘happily single.’ Fortunately for me I know a lot of other people who are pursuing this lifestyle and so I don’t feel alone in my choices.

 

The wonderful thing about getting older is that you are more sure of your decisions and become more self-contained. Well, I am anyway. Back in my 20’s if a relationship ended I would smoke myself silly, binge drink, lose lots of weight and go straight back out there to find someone to replace my lost love even if it meant settling – it was the only way I could ease the heartache. These days I’m more inclined to pack his things tidily into a little box, change my facebook settings and wave ‘byee’ from the front door as I enthusiastically, mentally plan my next step in my jam packed life. I mean, I have a big family and lots of friends and many dreams to travel, write and craft.

 

There’s so much more I’ve learnt this year about the dating scene which will probably be my next article eg: are dating sites really all they’re cracked up to be. Stay tuned 🙂

 

free spirit

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JULY 2014:

AFTER THE WINTER ALWAYS COMES THE SPRING,

 It’s been a while now that I’ve been wearing long johns under my jeans. It’s been a while since we had a break from the rain, snow, cold and sleet. But this week the sun came out for a couple of days and it was warmer. This week I could take off my snow jacket and hat :)

beauty mona

This last six months I have spent virtually every day on the phone and in face to face contact with Lawyers, Solicitors, Welfare Workers, Government Agents (Centrelink), Employment Agencies, Banks, Mortgage Brokers, Counsellors, Psychologists, Teachers, Financial Advisers, Tax Agents, Accountants, Doctors, Specialists, Education Institutions (this list is nowhere near finished but you get the picture). Divorce is a lengthy process.

lady of the lake

But, as with every winter, comes the spring and with spring comes the rebirth: I find myself wanting to get back into my writing but am a completely new person. I’m not wasting anymore time marketing and promoting my novels or writing fiction. As of today I have decided to go back to school to study freelance article and travel writing – a long held dream of mine. 

I know it’s a difficult industry to break into (small chance of success or making any real money along with an increasing sense of futility – what am I waiting for :)) but at this age, following my dreams is really the only important thing in life and – speaking from experience – having bucketfuls of money is not the be all and end all. Following your dreams is. So wish me luck, my dear ones, until next time …

found on g